ωнαт тнє fяι¢к...

I awoke to the sounds of machines beeping and soft snoring in the corner. I looked around, my vision still hazy.

I looked quickly at the corner and was amazed by what I saw, it was him !? I hadn’t seen him since the decay dance bash back in February 2005, and I’m surprised he’s even here, actually where am I?

I looked round the room and after a few minutes, everything came flooding back, the photo’s the blood and my tears.

I screamed In frustration why the hell did he save me?

I woke up to someone screaming, actually I woke up with a shock and fell out of the chair.

“what’s wrong?” I asked frantically.

She stopped screaming, looked at me, her eyes full of hurt. I then realised who she was, it was Lucy, as in Pete’s best friend and if you hurt her I’ll kill you. Wow I hadn’t seen her since the Decay Dance Party.

Her weak voice brought me back from my thoughts.

“you, you brought me back” she said and started to cry.

I looked at her confused then I glanced down at her wrist. “this, this was a suicide attempt?” I asked.

“yeah, yeah it was” she said

I was angry at her, but I had no idea why, I didn’t even know her that well and the last time we met I was shouted at for even talking to her, actually where was Pete?

“where’s Pete?” I asked voicing my thoughts.

I didn’t get an answer but her bursting in a whole set of new tears.

“trust me will, you don’t even want to know” she said after a few moments.

“but if its making you this upset, I do” I said.

She sighed, and proceeded to tell me every sordid detail, and I mean everything and finished up with her laying in the hospital bed telling me about it.

I was completely speechless, Pete had done all this to her and no one had even a clue to what he had done, well except her best friend but she was all the way in Las Vegas planning her first single release.

“will?” she asked.

“err, yeah” I answered.

“thanks for today I dunno why but it helped” she said.

I went to answer her but she had fallen asleep.

So yush thats Part three, i indeed thort i wouldn't b able to write this out today as i was apparently banned from the computer buuut luckly i could s enjoy..... RCB xx

3 weeks, five days and 23 hours since I last saw Pete and you think that’s sad, I could even tell you the minutes as well.

Life has, well become so unliveable, my TV. has become my new best friend, it wasn’t like I had any, anyway Pete was my life my everything.

It was a particularly cold, winter’s night and I was walking through a park, the name of the park ? I have no idea, I just kept walking I need to clear my head.

The thoughts were swimming in my head, they where so intense I didn’t even realise I had stopped. I looked ahead of me, my eyes squinting to see if I could make out what the black silhouette was.

As, I could not possibly make out what it was, I trudged over to the “thing” stopping in horror, at what I saw ……. The clean white snow had been stained, stained with a crimson liquid, which was if I’m not mistaken, was blood ….. Wait did I say blood, alarm bells went off in my head, as a soft moan could be heard from the dying, person, brought me back to my senses.

I took the scarf from my leg (hint hint eh? Lol) and binded her wrist as only one was bleeding. I picked up the limp body and carried her to the hospital, I could feel her life draining, but I couldn’t tell what it was, but there was something keeping her here.

The rest of the night to me was a blur, her being rushed in and out of rooms, loud noises and the sounds of machines, as sleep overtook my body, I had no idea what it was but I had a feeling, this girl was special.

ℓαѕт иιgнт ι нα∂ α ωσи∂єяfυℓ ∂яєαм,

ι ∂яєαмт ι нα∂ ∂ιє∂,

ѕнαмє ι нα∂ тσ ωαкє,

тσ ѕєє тнє ℓιfє ѕтιℓℓ ιи му єуєѕ

I’m worse than a whore, at least they get paid. All I get is used over and over again and I’ve finally had enough.

He phoned me an hour ago, telling me he would be round. So I grabbed every inch of my heart and swallowed all my fears.

He came in, didn’t even bother to knock, like that would of mattered anyway. He grabbed me and pushed his lips onto my own. Before I could blink I was kissing back.

It was like I was watching an old cliché film. Every inch of me wanted to stop this, to tell him its over, to do anything but what I was. Shame the heart is stronger than the head….

I then watched myself lead him to my room, a smile playing on my lips a smirk playing on his.

I closed the door, he locked it. We then engaged in a battle of the tongues him always winning of course. He pushed back signalling he wanted to move back, so I complied slowly moving backwards until the back of my legs hit the bed bringing both me and Pete down on to the bed.

We broke the kiss, gasping for air he slipped my top off but left his on. He re-attached himself to my lips and the war began once again.

I felt his hands slowly slip down my sides until the stopped at my hips, he then slowly pushed down my underwear. I began to un buckle his jeans, pushing them down until he kicked them off.

As usual he wasn’t wearing underwear, I smirked oh so predictable. We were laying, on the bed him on top as always and me below. He began sucking on my neck, causing and involuntary moan to escape my lips.

Then I realised, realised this was always the same, love me then leave me less of a person.

I pushed him off causing him to fall on the floor with a bump and grabbed my clothes, roughly putting them on. I then stormed out of the room.

He followed quickly after me, trying to walk and put his jeans on. “what the hell? Lucy? What the hell?” he shouted.

“Pete, I just can’t take this any more being your, actually tell me Pete what am I ?” I shouted back.

“what you trying to say?” he shouted.

“its over, we’re over” I said.

He smirked “oh, you’ll be back”

“no, no I won’t” I said braver then I had before.

“you, filthy little whore, you’ll never find better, better then me” he said grabbing his shoes and stormed out of the house.

 Shot the bullet into the dark

Just hope it doesn’t hit my heart

Just break me down

With your words of hurt and regret

Your kisses are worse

Worse

Than the friction of a razor blade

You don’t talk

You scream

Shatter the pieces

And watch me

Watch me fall

Yush this is a just a plain journal for once, not rants, no lyrics and no fanfic ……

So I’m ill and it suxx !! And when I’m ill I get all moany so basically I’m a bad mood =(

So I lied I’m gunna have a moan, feel free to ignore me:

So this is a wrap up on big things, that have happened and shiz:

EMO: ok I cannot say how many times this has been brought up eh ? Lol anyhow WHATS YOUR VIEW ON IT ?? ~ I’m curious

OVERLY OBSESSIVE fan girls: I have no problem with them, seriously but when they get too obsessive then it annoys the hell outta me, I love all the bands I listen to, to pieces I just don’t want a member of the bands babies k, even indeed they would, be gorgeous looking babies *sighs* ahem where was I ? lol

Hating people for there taste: so yeah, i think it basically explains it self, we all have our own taste and indeed we should be free to enjoy them

Fake : ok I officially HATE that word, I have my reason … so I’ll say no more

I think that’s about it, oh I must you warn you dear people hu hate me “BRING IT ON” oh, you really don’t want to mess with me, especially in the mood I’m in

Love u all

H x

I cannot distribute that it is so unjust

And if it could trade

And it itches

Yes it itches now

The world is so cold

Now that he has left

You’re controlling, morphing me

And putting under an obligation to that

To be eternally cold inside

And dreaming is alive

I want it now

I will feel my heart to condense

And I am leaving

The truth is a whisper and only an option

Nobody hears this noise

Always a risk when you attempt to believe

Who the one is, the one that will answer

Make sure that you listen when you speaks

And you make it hard to sleep

We fall

We are more deeply in

Then we open our eyes

I have seen his face a hundred times

I wanna thank everyone soo much for their support !!:

clandestinelyalone

nefy

uryesterdaysfeelings

petelover989

xxxiamspeshxxx

linzayy

nikkiejo

Huldaholm

beckyboo91

xxjaffacakesxx

volume

girlygoth

panicrocks365

bden

burymeandfadetoblack

As1you1lay1dying

pdy7
moshpitbabe

iluvpatrickstump4eva

fobrdabest

mcrlovermaggie4frank

totalpunkrocker

dobrezie

xfalloutboysgirlx

Unleashthebats4977

Tysonritterfan

Answr2prayers

Xbeautifulxbrokenx

Javaanse

Xoxwickedendxox

Elou

Lilkimmiej

emotionsrhigh

Xxlilokaxx

Secretslie

Panicfeva234

Xlotylovesbrendonx

Panicatthediscoxchik

Iluvfrankie2thedeath

Xricketyrockx

Danielsgirl101

rock lover

Xhatexmextodayx16

Hallaforbrendon

Torixopanicxofan

Xbrendonxryanx

Rockin94honorstudent

Mcrzombie7

panicrocs

Thisxisxthexend

holly456

buzybuzzin

dancenbroadway

xlotylovesbrendonx

phoenixhelamhi

frankieroisagod

sarcasticxhumor

starlesseyes1

rynsbrgnsxyback

jackskelington77

xxxsmartassezxxx

xxryanlovesmexx

musicandtattoos

hotryanross

nixic

brendonsteenheart

laurenmercedes

xoxopanicfanxoxo

panicingatthedisco

mychem49

emgodwin

shortylove

Hold me close

Never, never let me go

Oh, how I feel so free

But will you be

Be my safety net ?

I don’t know how to express

Express my feelings for you

I write so many words

Over and over again

None of these words make sense anymore

My hands are so

So tired of tying the same thing

Wish me luck as I go

Go back to the real me

My name is Hannah, and I have the mental age of a four year old.

I feel through words, I am indeed very creative and have an opinion on EVERYTHING.

And my friends are my world and music makes it go round.

What do you think ? x

I just came across this:

Wow, I love you, you guyz =D

Shoot the bullet into the dark

Just hope it doesn’t hit my heart

Just break me down

With your words of hurt and regret

Your kisses are worse

Worse

Than the deadly friction of my razor blade

Blow me kisses

Shower me in flowers and chocolates

Suffocating in this fake

Fake love

This time I mean it

You don’t talk you scream

Shatter the pieces

And watch

Watch me fall

Shoot the bullet into the dark

Just hope it doesn’t hit my heart

Just break me down

With your words of hurt and regret

Your kisses are worse

Worse

Than the deadly friction of my razor blade

WOW the response I received I was awesome =), nehu thank you, you guyz here’s the journal of love :

love is something that you can't put into words and is priceless. it can be found anywhere and may be right under your nose.

well I think love is a word that means for a strong bond and passion for someone.Not just like them for looks but who they are and how musch you care for them

my view on love is that love is can be a beatiful thing but sometimes we get all cought up in this so called "beauty" that we forget other things like school, friends, and family. sometimes when u love a boy so much u want him to last forever and so u do everything u can and sometimes u do horrible things to keep him like drugs or become an acholic or maybe even a sexslave. but to not be too dramatic love is a great thing even if it only last 4 a week or 2 or whatever.

i belive love is not at first sight. thats infatuation.
love needs to grow.
but when it does, its a beauiful thing.
i also think gender isnt a factor in love.

love is always there, you just have to be open to it.
it comes in many forms.
but the best kind is the love between true friends.
because it will never get you stuck and should always pick you up when you need it.
love, in the romantic sense, will confuse you no matter what you do to avoid it. it is just as dangerous as it is great.
love is very contradictory.
you will never win.
humanity was pretty much doomed from the start.

love is a sick way of killing someone slowly.

or

it can be the greatest emotion in the entire world

love is the most powerful weapon in the world!! it can make or beak u!!

my veiw on love would have to be it comes with to much baggage like to many emotions come with it

Love is a complex array of finding somebody who knows you and accepts you no matter what. Even if they don't understand what they know, they'll care about you besides that fact and protect you from those who don't. Anything you can do, say, or think doesn't matter because they'll always see past the outside complexity to the pure heart they empathize and care for.

Love is a wonderful thing but can be full of pain, commitment, and comprimise. In the end Love is important to everyone and is what keeps us human beings alive and keeps us going and holding on for that one person. Whether its finding them or being with them we never lose hope, (hopefully).

my view in love.... i think that to me is love a feeling you have for someone that is very dear to you and you cant imagine a life without that person... i mean dear friends and family....

love is when you love the imperfections of people. It's obvious to like someone for their looks but thatll end and youll be stuck with nothing in common. Love is when you have silence its not awkward it's peaceful and your both ok with that. Love is when your friends first and will always be. Love is when your able to just be yourself and don't have to conform to normal in another person's eyes. They love you for who you are and you love them for loving you in that way

love is like ozygeen, love lifts us up where we belong, all we need is, and if you don't have it, you are nothing

Love is there for people who open their arms. But love can kill and hurt people forever.

it doesnt exist. its a fabrication. no one is in love.

Love is the very thing that keeps our souls alive
Love is the beauty of the first kiss
The tremors of the fingertips
Smiling as our eyes scan our counterparts
It's the sense of belong
And the arms we call home
Love is the greatest gift

How can you explain love? I don't think you can... Love is a power we don't have any say in... Kind of like nature

to me love isnt about bring romantic or thinking someone is hot, those things come with love. when you love someone it doesnt matter what they look like or what they wear or what they do for a living because you are able to accept all these things because love is not selfish and forgives everything

My veiw on love... an unfair thing that God put on this world to torture people

love is being willing to die for someone, and willing to trust them with your whole heart.

love at its good point is like a card trick-you start with many choices, then you take a chance and pick one....the magican to me represents you kno like life....he shuffles the card all arounds and all you want is for him to find it.......sometimes the magician "life" will ask you to do things in the middle of the trick "journey to find ur love" like tap this or ask you is this ur card...and you come up with a different card and in a way feel dissapointed and restless, like he'll never find ur card.....but then suddenly he pulls it out of nowhere and you're left with confusion but also amazement and joy---kinda like love---when you find it you feel as though you never thought it could happen or how did i find this person??----kinda like how that magician find my card....

that was love at its good point...if its a little gay just change it or dont put it up lol...that was the first thing i thought of ..but you got my general view

Love at its bad point

this is basically a phase im going through now....and im sick of love but i haven't stopped beleiving in it cause this is wat my friends tell me------

think of it as we're apples in a tree......right now most boys want the apples that are on the lower branches or the rotting ones on the ground (representing hos, sluts...like "easy girls")...these boys are the ones that are too afraid to climb to the top and get the good yummy apples....but there are some boys brave enough to climb to the top and one day ill find him-----very cheesy but it gets me through the day u no

love is everything- anger is love of control, hate is love misenterpreted, fear is loosing the life you love. Love makes you who you are, everything we do is dictated by desire of love.

it can't be helped and u don't plan on whu u fall in love wiv...

great wen it begins, but unless it's that one person and that feeling, it's never worth the hassle, so give it a month then let it die unless it's truely worth fighting for

well love to me means that sonting beatifull wile it last thats imposible and not mater wath it will allweis live a mark

its an unexplainable feeling.... lol but i supose when you love someone no matter what they do you always will. even if they piss you off so much....

i think love is an awesome emotion to be able to feel, even if that love, get hurt, ect. I wish everyone could find a true love, but now a days it seems liek you cant, because everyone gets married and then divorsed..

love isnt love without pain

somepeple say lucky in love but i think rather it shouldnt be. sometimes love is hard to find its like waiting in line for the new fob cd. endless

love is easy to find....
but TRUE love is hard to find

well personally, i dont believe in luv at this young of an age, like teen years. i mean with little relationships like this i dont think we should be sayin i love you bcuz i dont think any of us really kno what those words mean. those words 2 me are meaningless and just make more pain in the end cuz we are teens and when that little relationship ends and we look back and it makes us even more depressed that he/she said 'i love you" and u believed that it was real. so yeah but later on in serious relationships yeah love is definately sumthing that will be there when we are mature and are experienced and looking 4 that special sumone. but until that times comes for serious relationships, i dont really kno what love is and it may still be a mystery 2 me when im older.

its cool in the beginnin but then later it gets worse nd it gets better again. its like a see-saw u kno? like one side is sucky stuff nd the other side is like crushes nd stuff nd it keeps going up and don if u kno what i mean..

my view on love is someone that u wanna spend the rest of ur life with, someone u can depend on, yet someone that is hot,funny,nice,sweet,loveable, trustworthy, and caring!

i really dont have a good view on love. i just believe that its hard to find. and sometimes some people never find it, but the people that do-- well theyre lucky. and i believe that there is one person in the world that you are meant to be with, and then sometimes some people dont find the right person, so yeah.

for me love is a feeling,that mostly hurts because i'm unloved and i feel like noone i love,loves me back... but i saw happy love couples so,i think love is good

my view on love. is that it is something that you feel for someone:
when you are with them you ar the happyest you will ever be
and when you are apart its like something is missing
you wouls do anything for the people you love
and anyone of anyage can feel it

like that its wen u cant get some1 off ur mnd n u feel u have to b round em n u get that feeling n ur stomache wen they r around u and u cant wai tto see em they make u happy no matter what and at times they piss u off but u cant stay mad at them cuz u love them n u kno they love u too and its the best feeling in the world....u put them frst and they do the same for u, ull do nething for them w/o even a sec thought

well um my veiw on love is that its like a rose that opens to a female or male you feel all hapy and you wanna tell or spread the love round so its like you pass a rose on

i think love is something where you have to risk everything you have no matter what. is like
throwing yourself into the ocean without knowing if you'll survive or you'll drown in it...cuz not
always end up happening what you expect about it...cuz yeah its an a beautiful experience
and makes you feel complete and your world seems perfect...but sometimes makes you bleed
cry, even thinking on ending your life because how awful you feel about yourself...

a sum of this...it all depends...just like the ocean

I think love is when somebody will hold you when you cry, doesn't care about the way you look in the morning, or ever for that matter, because they're just happy to be with you. And they don't pressure you, and always listens to what you have to say. And they let you hold the remote control

 think love can be great but then it can fucking suck, like ur SO in love with a person and they like have someone else which can make you so horribly sad, depresssed, etc. yea, but then when someone ur in love with is like going out with you its so freakin' amazing!!! it makes you so extremely happy!! but then when ur away from them, well. its tough...

And now your all properly thinking WOW Hannah has not got a view ? Lol course I have !! :

Love is love, you can’t stop it and you can’t choose who you fall for, male or female…. If they make you happy, indeed your meant to be. Love is also the worst weapon, many use it to gain something or to shut someone up.

Love should be embraced not feared, I also think there are many types of love and, indeed you may feel you love someone, it may just be a fabrication. Also I think many people fall in love with the idea of someone.

I would like to thank:

NIXIC =D

Johnnynotsid

emotionsrhigh

Panicatthediscoxchik

javaanse
penzky34853

lilkimmiej

dobrezie

girlygoth

xricketyrockx

mcrluver4life

sarcasticxhumor

razor2therasary

dolphinswmmr

Lace your lips with the taste of me

Close your eyes and try to block me out

Oh, our love was like a car crash

Oh, our love was like a car crash

Oh, oh don’t you wish you could hate me

Wash off the sensation of us ?

Wish upon a star, cross your fingers tight

I’m never gunna leave your side

Oh, our love was like a car crash

Oh, our love was like a car crash

Close your eyes and count to ten

Never to be open. Never open them again