ωнαт тнє fяι¢к...

Scream until your heart gives out

Cry until your eyes die

I’m so

So sick of you

You know what?

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me all you goddamn want

I thought you would listen

I thought you would never judge

Oh, I’m so angry

My love just wasn’t good enough

So dance

Dance in the rain

The rain of a thousand broken hearts

Listen to me carefully

Don’t you dare utter a word till I’m done

I’m sick of being confused

Being misunderstood

Don’t you ever

Ever

Make me feel this small

Why does everything always

Always go to hell ?

Why do I loose this fight?

I’m sick of always asking myself these questions

I’m sick of using pain as the only way out

Calling on all of you

Are you listening carefully ?

I’m sorry but I think I lied

When I said

Said everything was fine

As the fateful questions runs

Runs around my head

Breath in, breathe out

This is my last question

Why do I wish I was dead ?

Slip your arms to my side,

Let our hips grind.

As the music plays in our world I just hope the night never ends.

As my eyes slowly open,

I noticed you’ve already left me; gone back into the night.

I’m waiting, waiting once again for you to bring my heart,

Make me feel whole!

Why does love hate me so much ?

Makes me want to die in each breath.

I hate the way he is my everything......

Ta kel =)

Shadows, half a person

My life, not worth living

The scars of yesterday

The sins of tomorrow

Do you remember the day we met?

Just a simple hello, the fact you cared

When no one did

The fact you understood

The day we meet

In the so close future

I’ll promise you we‘re, fly away

Far away

Away from them

Away from everything

You mean the world to me

You are the world

Friends till the last moon

You’re my twin, my better half

You make me smile, heck even laugh

(I add this bit 2day: )

When we swore the day we would die for each other

The day, only the words we spoke mattered

I miss that, I miss the fact I had someone

Someone

Like

YOU

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Yeah so its crap n everythin but remember the first part was in my early stages of writin so forgive me??

Byee

~ Popularity and the sins of yesterday ~

Take a good hard look at yourself

Close your mouth, think over each word

(Oh the popularity, the sins of yesterday)

Remember the people’s lives you ruined ?

Screamed their life to darkness

(Oh the popularity, the sins of yesterday)

So swallow back the tears

Place on the fake smile

(Oh the popularity, the sins of yesterday)

When you look at them

Past the empty eyes

What do you see ?

(Oh the popularity, the sins of yesterday) x2

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Fuck that was crap, neway

Bye x

This fucking sucks ok !?

I miss my peeps soo bad !!

I miss :

Stu - wow that guy can put a smile on ur face ! Lol nah seriously nw he knows everything ! N he always makes me feel better even I relli relli dnt want to

Hollie - wow the random chats we have eh !? Nah love ya hols =)

Dommie - ahh ma sex partner !! Ma wife (well were currently divorced) we have so much fun !

Lissy ! - my current wife ! We are so random n so childish but the fun we have !!

Chloe - wow I miss you !! I haven’t talked to you in so long ! Actually why haven’t we ? Actually where did u disappear 2 ? Ur nt online nemre ! N I miss our chats n lyrical madness !! Do me a fav hun if u do come online drop us a messge eh ? I wanna gt bck in touch

Tarah - CHEESE !! Lol ur indeed a great person !! Love ya hun

See this face ?

The face of ever changing emotions

When you say the words of hate

Spit the song of confusion

Are you confused

Well my dear welcome

Welcome to my world

Hate, lies, tales and friends

The making and the end

When I think about it

I don’t care what you think

Big boobs, small skirts and such small brains

So look down your nose

Shout you words of hate

I have two words for you

Yes just two your brain would explode if I said anymore

Here we go, here they come

FUCK YOU

The angers boils my brain

The tears send me to sleep

I love cuts like a knife

Killing everything real

Wash away the sensation of you

Take away everything

Scream the things I hate

Till my lungs turn blue

When you see me

What do you really think ?

What words go round your head ?

What image sends you to sleep ?

Eyeliner tears

Mix up signals

Oh the bliss of ignorance

Now this is something different - I’ll be continuing my other but this came to me and you know what I’m like !! Itch bloody fingers nehu I’ll prbly take a bit to write but if you stick with me I’ll try my utmost hardest to make it good !!

Lemme begin then : Chapter one - now I’m of consenting age, to be forgetting you in a cabaret….

Drinks flowing, music pumping. As I dance around the bar, smothered by sweat and lies.

As I slide into my next dance routine I take time to swallow in my surroundings, sweaty men, drunk dirty men…. Burlesque girls giving there all…. Strobe lights….. Gorgeous brown eyes, wait what ??

I stopped in the middle of my routine totally dumbfounded. can love at first sight be even possible ?? I shook my head and took in a deep breathe and continued, everyone was to drunk or to high to even notice let alone care.

When my set was over and finished, I swapped over with Tarah, it was my turn in the “seven minutes in heaven”. I chokes back all my fears and stepped into the room. As soon as I entered my fears were gone, I did, did what I was programmed to.

Six long hours and many sweaty fumbles, I was finally able to leave. I grabbed my coat and left.

I was walking home. Footsteps doubled, I turned round many times to see nothing but the shadows of past sins dancing on the sidewalk.

I didn’t even make it to my room as soon as my head hit the table of my kitchen I was gone.

-* CRASH *-

“What the fuck was that ?” all of us in the living room shouted.

Two flour covered bodies entered the room.

Me, Kara, Jacqueline and Joanna burst out laughing.

Kara caught her breathe “dammnit !! That wasn’t suppose to happen to you”

We all turned to her “what ? Why?” asked Joanna.

“well I wanted to get Harmony back for dying my hair last week” she said.

“oh yeah” I said.

We continued arguing between ourselves until some one coughed.

I turned round “yes?” I asked.

“well I was wondering if you would like to come out a date, I mean you don’t have to but well its up to you” Ryan said quickly.

“whoa, no offence Ryan but I don’t date guys I’ve only just met and the last time I did that with a certain Beckett it didn’t end well” I said.

“oh ok” he said.

“but if you guys, as you’ve already made yourself at home would consider going to the movies with us girlies ? Then we can get to know each other ?” said Jacqueline.

I glared at her. “well we would love to but” started Brendon.

“but what ?” asked Kara.

“we have a meet and greet with the bands going on tour with us” he finished.

“what does that mean ?” I asked.

“well, honestly a party” answered Spencer.

Kara, then jumped on Jon’s back scaring the life out of him. “What the fuck ?” he asked.

“quit staring its rude” she answered.

“one sec” I said.

Me, Kara, Jacqueline and Joanna walked into my room as it was the closest.

“well?” asked Joanna.

“well I think we should go you know, what could be the harm ?” said Jacqueline.

We all walked out. “well would you ladies care to join us tonight?” asked Brendon.

“of course” said Kara.

Rude awaknings

“harmony get the fuck up you need to go to work” shouted Jacqueline

I grumbled and rolled out of bed.

“what the hell happened last night” I said while expecting the living room.

“well before or after the tequila ?” she asked.

Just then Kara came in rubbing her head “wow that was one night last night eh?” she said.

“ow pain quit talking so loud” moaned Joanna.

“lightweight” we all said in union.

“but seriously though I can’t remember a thing” I complained.

They all looked at me with evil grins “really not a thing ?”said Jacqueline.

I groaned “oh geez what did I do ?”

“oh nothing much, kissed a few random guys oh and made out with a certain Ryan Ross from a certain famous rock band” said Kara.

“oh fuck, did I make a complete fool of myself ?” I asked.

They all burst out laughing. “what ?” I asked.

“you didn’t but Jacqueline had a certain fun under the covers with a certain Brendon Urie” smirked Kara.

“oh, please don’t remind me, I’m so glad he left early this morning, just imagine the embarrassment” groaned Jacqueline.

“what do you mean I thought we got on well last night” said a voice.

We all stop dead in our tracks and turned round. “oh my geebus” I whispered.

“yeah I did to” said another voice.

Me and Jacqueline went red with embarrassment. “hi” we all said barely above a whisper.

It was my 19th birthday and my room mate was taking me out. We were going to this new bar down town.

So I was basically having harmless fun with many people. The night was great well until I bumped into him.

“what is your problem” I shouted at him.

He looked at me confused for a moment until he realised who I was. “you are my problem”

I dragged him outside this was going to end once and for all.

“what the hell did I ever do to you ?” I shouted.

“you where you” he shouted back.

“oh, brilliant comeback urie” I shouted.

He looked at me for a moment, there was something in his eyes, something until now I never noticed.

“fuck you” I shouted and turned around to leave.

He spun me round and captured me in a kiss. Resistance was futile, I just couldn’t stop my lips.

We pulled apart breathless and stared into each others eyes “don’t you get I’m in love with you I have been ever since I was 10 and when we kissed I just didn’t know what to do, then I saw you with him, I couldn’t stand the fact you hated me and never in a slightest chance to be with you” he said calmly.

“are you dumb or something ?? Did you never get the letters I sent you ? I spent hours crying into my pillow because I made you hate me but I didn’t know what I did to make you hate me that much, then I met ryan, he understood me so well I finally thought I was happy again but oh no you had to ruin that make me alone AGAIN so no Brendon I don’t love you, I lost that a long time ago” I said and left never looking back , I was to afraid to.

That was 3 months ago and I’m here alone and heartbroken all over again. I swear Brendon urie was basically put on this earth to ruin my life.

I can’t believe he managed to break us up all over again. Why does he have this hatred against me all I ever tried to be was nice. I’m sick of being his item of amusement, I’m sick of being heartbroken over and over again.

I’m cutting all ties with them all. I’m changing home, number …… everything. So I moved to London, brought a house. Got a new phone, told Tarah the new number of course, we still talk actually she tells me how they are all doing. My once brown hair is now black with purple streaks.

-*phone*-

“hey”

“hello”

“how are you all ?”

“fine I guess, Brendon’s he usual self and Ryan, well Ryan is out with his new girlfriend”

I dropped the phone. I can’t believe he, he got over me that quickly.

I continued shouting it until the airplane had disappeared. I fell to the floor in tears. I had missed him, I had miss my one and only chance to be happy again.

A voice brought me out of my thoughts. “I thought you weren’t gunna stop screaming it until your lungs turned blue” he said.

“he left, there’s no point” I said and released a fresh set of tears.

“oh, I’ll just go then” he said.

I looked up “ryan” I asked confused.

He spun round “well I don’t know any other ryan’s” he answered.

I squealed and jumped up. We stood there for a moment unsure of what to do.

“Hannah, I know this may sound rushed and totally spur of the moment but will you come on tour with me ?” he asked.

“erm” I thought for a moment.

“I’ll have to ask Tarah” I continued

love n hugs

ι'м тнє flσωєяѕ σи тнє gяανє σf тнє ℓινιиg

Dedicated 2:

I had spent my whole school life hating him, it wasn’t irrational hate, oh no I had a very good reason. He was my best friend until I was 12. Then he just change I don’t how but I definitely know when, It was my first kiss, me and Brendon had both agreed that if we hadn’t both received our first kiss by the age of 12 we would kiss each other.

So we kissed well it didn’t last very long, because the next minute he had run out of my room. I would love to say that was the last time I saw him. But I couldn’t be further from the truth. We did ignore each other though well he did until I got sick of it and ignored him to.

That was fine though, then i met Ryan we clicked instantly we had the same interest everything. I was finally happy again, well until Brendon ruined that. You see Spencer and Ryan were in the makings of a band but had no vocalist and surprise, surprise who turns up ? Yup the one and only Brendon.

The tension between us ruined my relationship with Ryan. So I stopped hanging around with them. Then eventually we drifted apart. That was three years ago.

“you coming han ?” asked Tarah (yup ur my co-star in this m’dear !! Lol)

“erm yeah” I muttered and closed my yearbook.

It was my 18th and Tarah was taking me to see a local band. So I got ready and left.

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When we finally got there the place was packed and the band was already playing. I must admit you don’t get many band here that play that good. Me and Tarah split up like we usually do and meet up 10 mins before we leave.

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6 drinks and 5 phone numbers later it was time to go. I wasn’t drunk no I was a good girl just sticking to soft drinks.

I drifted my eyes across the crowd looking for Tarah. I was about to give up before a pair of oh so familiar eyes.

I stared for a moment before turning around and crashing into Tarah and this other person.

“sorry” I muttered.

“no, why isn’t it Hannah Sanderson why I haven’t seen you in years” sneered Brendon.

“well hello Brendon, such a pleasure to finally meet you again” I said in the same tone.

“c’mon Tarah lets go before we get infected” I said and dragged her out of the bar.

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It was the next morning and I was looking through my pockets for my phone. A note slipped out.

I gasped and drop the note. “TARAH !! What’s the time ?” I shouted.

“its half ten why” she shouted back.

I ran downstairs grabbed my keys.

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I got to the airport with a few mintutes to spare. I frantically looked round for him.

I ran to one end, he wasn’t there. I was about to give up until I saw him. He was standing there looking at the ground. Well that was until Brendon moved him towards the gate.

I ran, faster that I have ever in my life towards him.

It wasn’t fast enough though, he had already walked through the gate. I was about to give up , go home until an idea struck me.

I ran to the window and opened it. Once opened I screamed “RYAN I LOVE YOU I WILL SCREAM IT TILL MY LUNGS TURN BLUE”

Well ?? Is it ok ?? If its good enough do you want me to continue ??

Love n hugs

So hold this gun to my head

Let the words of regret leave my mouth

Tears fall from both of our eyes

I love you burns my tongue

I can’t stand the way things are

I can’t live my life like this

When I say Its over please believe me

Don’t shake your head and say

Say I’m lying

Hunny its over

Let our flame die

It ends tonight

This time I’ll think before I speak

Watch before I breathe

Mistakes made in just a second

A thousand I miss you’s

A million I love you’s

Never enough

Not even close

You broke that bridge

A long time ago

So why don’t you just walk across it

The mask has fallen

The tears have been dried

Are you ready

Ready for this new me ?

I’m coming

I’m coming undone

Again

Will you catch me

Catch me when I fall

I believe in the words of a dying mind

Suffocation and hate was all I knew

Now I’m trying to break

Break this mould

And let the feelings start again

This is me and I’m brand new

I’m coming

I’m coming undone

Again

Will you catch me

Catch me when I fall

Ok now people listen carefully to the words I set before you

Break free from your chains of hate

Join

Join me in this revelation

This is a new day

So lets all live it

Lay me down

As the flowers

The flowers on the grave

Grave of the living

Ok so I was thinking (I know you learn something new everyday) and after re-thinking and re-reading things people have said to me or have said in general.

I should love myself coz meh if I don’t hw can ne1 else ?

I am beautifully unique and I should believe that because we all are, even if its not at first glance. WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.

I know I am over weight but do u know what I’m happy in this skin

I wouldn’t change me for the world because I am me, and I don’t think I would be happy to be neone else.

So I Hannah Francesca smith declare that from this moment on I will try my utmost hardest to love me for me even if it means I will die alone.

That right from this point on I will no longer be writing fanfics or stories as a. I’m stuck on ideas n b. I suck at them.

I may write a one shot once in a while thou because I get uberly bored and a certain demanding friend *cough* hollie *cough* asks me to.

Lyrics are put on hold as well not because I can’t write them anymore because that’s further than the truth I don’t stop writing em. It’s just they all sound the same, I know there all from my point of view but meh I need a nu prospect so until I find one I won’t write any.

Thankies m’dear’s for listenin

I think title might give you an idea.

When I walk round college I constantly put my head down so people won’t see me. I don’t like the looks I gain it dramatically sends my self confidence down. I never feel comfortable in what I look like, well I at some points I do then I dunno what happens it just (to me) makes me look younger n well fat. I constantly can hear the taunts of the past. Every time some one talks about looks or other peoples I just want to break down and cry.

At one point I can be so happy so carefree, but then its like a ton of bricks I feel so small so incomplete. I have no idea why I feel incomplete I just do.

Do you ever want to cry but are unable to ??

Meh I never can try seriously it takes like suicide worth things to happen for me to cry. Meh pathetic comes to mind.

My friends are awesome, seriously there the best people ever, I never can thank them enough, there so understanding, I think that’s why I got so venty when I read that “fake friends” thing meh I am non-conformist and I don’t think I even want to change that.

I recently noticed that when I write things I refer to myself in third person, I have one outlook in life “talk to yourself sometimes you are the only one you can trust” I think it’s a pretty good quote.

I miss school and the way things where, I miss the fact the school yard was a total adventure and the teachers where the villains. Actually thinking about that I’m going to become a teacher so I hope they don’t hate me o.0

I love day dreaming it takes me away from it all and I can choose what happens, as if that happens in real life !

Does anyone else but me ask themselves EVERY TIME a dude or girl looks at you, do you ask yourself “are they thinking the same?” I do constantly.

On a last note;

I think I’m pretty deep when I put my mind to it.

Bye

Drowning in this pool of tears

Currently feeling suffocated

Currently wanting to grab my ex best friend

Yeah that’s right kids

Ex

I’m lasting ok now

Life without the deadly friction

Suck me into this black hole

Yeah my little black hole of regret

Every little fault

Every little pain

I know I fun game to play

Lets put Hannah down

We haven’t done that yet today

Don’t you just wish she would die

Fall off this world

Suffocate in her own hate

Don’t you just hate her

The way she sits there

Never showing emotion

Its not fun unless she retaliates

Oh how I wish she would die

Take her fake emo tears and drown

One year later

Oh how I wish I didn’t say those words

I was shocked to here what had happen

Who knew that words could cause so much destruction

She finally cracked some say

As she left college on that fateful day

Tears falling every step of the way

Yeah Hannah finally cracked

That fateful day

And now she lays in the dirt

Now I know this tale

Isn’t true

But at least one girl feels the way I do

So think before you talk

You never know It could be the last things they ever hear

As the tears silently fall

The anger boils

Deep inside of me

This time you will all know

Just how I feel

Pen to paper

As the venom flows thru my words

Smiles and laughter

Cover the real feelings

Inside I’m screaming at the top of my lungs

“I WISH I WAS DEAD”

To fall off this misery

Until the end

My last word, my last breathe

Is yours for never more

I love you

I hate you

The same word

Two different meanings

Memories are a killer

Slowly suffocating you in your past

The hurt and the pain

Of the four letter word

Love