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As you cry yourself to sleep

Remember one thing please,

There just NOT worth it

So take your pills and force your smiles

Oh, sweet suffocation

The death of many

The weapon of all

LOVE

Spinning in circles

Confusing yourself, confusing everyone

Oh, sweet suffocation

The death of many

The weapon of all

LOVE

Sing a song

A love song

When your heart breaks

Instead of mine

Ahh i think i'm in a good mood ^^

toodles

and

oodles

of love

hannie

xxx

xx

x

I’m sick of feeling the way I do

People only seeing one side of me

Never the real side

I look back on my life

My thoughts and my feelings

I’m consumed in this madness

Never feeling, never seen

Happy days are so rare

But Don’t get me wrong

I’m not always like this

I can smile, I can laugh

I look back on my life

My thoughts and my feelings

I’m consumed in this madness

Never feeling, never seen

As the tears fall

I realise I’m not happy

No I’m not happy at all

To all the wounds that won’t heal

All the scars you cannot see

I’m here

Here for you

You may not believe that you will be missed

You may not believe that anyone cares

Look back and you’ll see me

Ready to catch you when you fall

I’m singing this song for all the broken hearted

The beaten and the depressed

Your not alone in this world

No not with me in it

Not anymore

Black nightmare before Christmas top

¾ length jeans

Red/black knee high sox

And my fav converses (my chequered ones)

And I didn’t really wear much makeup just mascara (make sure u wear waterproof !!) n eyeliner.

So at 4.30 hollie’s dad picked me up, we sat in the car catching up (we don’t go to the same school nemore well she goes 6th form I go college) o.0 and me getting very scared with how hyper she was. When we got there the line wasn’t to bad. But it did start raining, oh I did anoy hollie a lot by randomly saying “omg were standing outside Brixton academy to see panic! At the disco” about twenty times !!. For what felt like a lifetime later the doors opened and we went in and showed our tickets and ran into the hall. We stood on the right (as ryan stands near there).

Me & hollie got squashed and when I say squashed I mean “can’t breathe” squashed. O.0 and I nearly punched two girls (on purpose).

They weren’t too bad actually, still don’t know there name thou.

Me & hollie moved as we where sick of being pushed a squished (I fell over twice !! And amazingly got up with out any help) but then were we moved to, two twats tried to start a mosh pit !! A MOSH PIT A PANIC CONCERT NE1 ELSE THINK WTF ?? Had a good view of the stage thou.

I didn’t realise till I saw em that the girl in cobra starship is the lead singer in the sounds !? Nehu they were quite good liked the song (I think) called ego.

Me & hollie got split up but we were in seeing distance so all good. I got stuck inbetween 3 dudes (tall ones at that)

Wow they are good !! Seriously all the annoyance n pain was so worth it seeing em live !! - couldn’t see a lot at some points thou a stupid tall dude stood right in front of me. But not all dudes are bad thou coz one stopped me from falling when I got pushed.

Wow !! He looks 100x hotter in real life !! And wowie he can sing !! He went sooo high seriously !!. His dance was awesome !! (look out for it during there’s a reason these tales are numbered honey …)

Ahh, hot just got hotter !!, he just looked so wow !! Didn’t do the eye makeup thou (well he had a cross thru his eye) he can sing 2 !!

He looked so different !! Seriously I didn’t even reconise him until brendon sed his name !! awesome bassist thou !!

He looked awesome (played awesome 2 !!) but I rather his hair how it used to be

The whole circus thing was good ^^ o.0 b4 I forget they take pics of the band n throw em into the crowd - I SOO WANTED THE RYAN ONE !! It was such a gd pic 2 !!

So peeps that was my first concert ^^!! I’m soo very glad I went !! Just wish there weren’t so many tall people..

Love and hugs

Hannie

Xx

p.s couldn’t get pics too short soz.

p.p.s if your seein em 2nite or soon and you want merch BUY OUTSIDE its soo much cheaper !! (I got a MASSIVE poster for £2 whereas inside a small one was £5 !!)

All I ever wanted in this life

Is to be loved

To be accepted

To be the one

Love Is so precious

I want to hold it close

Breakable heart

I want to feel like if I did die

At least someone would miss me

Even cry

I am an insecure person

I need reassurance everyday

That I won’t die

Alone, cold covered in blood

So if you tell me today

There’s someone

I’ll look the other way

One day I hope

He’s looking the same

When I write

My emotions are in overload

Writing how I feel

Saying what I see

Not many things

Not many people

See what I do

Life is about difference

About fitting in

Starting your own crowd

Old friends are forever

Close friends are special

New ones are golden

Fake friends are open wounds

Ever since the day I met you

The world had changed

My life had meaning

And the meaning was you

The world look so bleak

I’m suffocating in this pool of hate

I’m so sorry

I just saw what I did to you

I was supposed to be there

Through the pain and the hate

But instead I ignored you

And watched you fall to your fate

The world look so bleak

I’m suffocating in this pool of hate

I’m so sorry

I just saw what I did to you

If I could change time

I would in a second

But your gone

And I’m still singing this same old song

The words slip off my tongue

I’m so sorry

The memory bleeds into my brain

What do you do when everything

You ever loved, ever wanted

Gone in just one breath

One second A thousand regrets

I don’t want to carry on

With nothing holding me back

I fall

Fall into my fate

Should I stay

Or should I go ?

Life like this isn’t worth it

Love once had

Now is lost

Just like an insignificant memory

Life is so long

Death is so painless

The decision isn’t to hard

The truth hurts

As blood rushes down my face
I start to think why I’m in this place
Where do I belong
who do I need and when will I need them
all my life is crashing down
and I turned that little smile into a frown

The room spins

My vision begins to blur

I’m giving up on us

I’m giving up

As blood rushes down my face
I start to think why I’m in this place
Where do I belong
who do I need and when will I need them
all my life is crashing down
and I turned that little smile into a frown

This is the end

No more I just can’t take it

Lips cursed to taste for ever of me

Love is now lost

And so is my heart

The sun shines on my face

I don’t need a razor blade

To feel alive

No not anymore

The rain pours as I walk home

My life used to be so cliché

I look back on the memories

And see us kissing

Instead of trying to block you out

I let the tears flow

I’m not going to let you back

But I’m not going to forget you

I see red roses

Oh, I look back on the valentines we had

Black rose petals

They were supposed to be used for our wedding

Now I’m alone

The darkness comes so quickly

Ever since I found you

The image will never leave

I’m sorry for the way I am

I’m sorry I can’t be all you want me too

I’m lost and I’m confused

Help is all I wanted

Help is all I need

Why do you feel you need to treat me like this ??

Do you want me to crash and burn

Tears show weakness

So kick my while I’m down

You one and only satisfaction

I might be a cold hearted bitch

But ull never break me

TnN

I was doing so well

I was actually getting somewhere

But the sin of my past

Came back

Haunted tormented and chained

So I grab my weapon of choice

Lets go my friend

Let me feel alive again

So stupid

So naïve

I thought someone could love me

Oh, how wrong I was

Why do the most important people leave

Forget your existence

In just one breath

Never again

Will I give someone

So much trust

Just to have it

Ripped and torn apart

Why did you !?

Just leave me this way

You knew I can’t do this alone

Hey everyone !! ^_^

I don’t think I’m friends with ma best boy mate nemre ya no o.0 oh well

Sophie btw ur a genius (the ice cube thingy) it relli helped one whole week today ^_^

Life is good I suppose I have ups n downs ^_^ not been depressed in a while well 4 days

Apparently the computer makes me anti-social !! Loving Blue October atm neone herd of em !?

MA FIRST CONCERT IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS !!

Today was different

Today was new

I felt like me

And nothing can break this bubble

The looks

The stares

For once in my life

I JUST DIDN’T CARE !

The smile on my face

The skip in my step

No not a boy

I’m just happy as I am

I hate being single

But I’m to shy to change

One day I hope

Things will change

But till then

Were just strangers

Looking the wrong way

toodles !! >.<

h xxx

I’m angry ! Why you ask !? I wish I knew I swear its pissin me off nw

Well actually there’s a few reasons but nehu

I do have some lyrics for this journal so here they are:

I want what I have lost

I want what I am scared to have

I need you

I need to be noticed

I am

To shy

To ugly

To different

Don’t say I’m not because we both know I am

I’m sick of the fact you think I can handle this

I hate the fact I always complain

My emotions are bottled and sold

I don’t handle things well

I’m fucked up beyond prepare

But still you dismiss these things

Pretending there not even there

Read my mind

xHx

When I die

Will I be missed ?

Will someone shed a tear ?

Will they even come to my funeral ??

When I die

Will I go to heaven ?

Or am I destined for hell ?

Will I be burned or buried ?

When I die

Will you visit me ?

Or pretend I never existed

Will you celebrate my birthday ?

Or treat it as another day

These questions

My thoughts

I just wanna know

I think back on my life

I’m so pathetic

Crying myself to sleep

Taking my problems out on my arms

I’m stupid

I’m pathetic

I hate they way I am

I’m so sorry for the disappointment

I’m so sorry for the misery

But most of all I’m sorry for being like this

You accepted me

And all my faults

You tried

Tried so hard

To help me thru this

I just

Just end up hurting myself again

You deserve

Deserve so much better

But still you help

I don’t know how to thank you

My words just aren’t enough

Please

Please don’t hate me

I tried

Tried so hard

My most obvious weakness

The sins of my past

Came back

There haunting my mind

I’m so

So sorry

I’m not strong enough

I gave in again

The words from my mouth

Lies

The words that I write

Nothing but the truth

How can I explain to you

That everything I done

Is because I can’t cope

Because I’m to weak

You congratulate me

You say well done

Well I’m sorry I lied

I’m still haunted

And dead inside

I’m calling out

I’m telling you it all

Well someone please help me ?!

Before I end it all

Fake words of comfort

It makes me sick

I need you to listen

Not judge me

Do I have friends ??

Yes of course I do

Do they care ??

Well I would like to think so

I’m as good as dead

But I’m still breathing

I was so happy

I felt so free

That was until

It came crashing down

With just a look

And three words

The world has ended

And killed us all

There just three words of destruction

But they can end it all

Would you believe me

If I said I’ve never been kissed

Had my heart broken so many times

But never been kissed

Would you believe me

If I said I’ve never had a real boyfriend

Just stupid little dates

But never been someone’s everything

I wish one day he will come

Be the one to mend my heart

Our love is such a funny thing

Never really knowing where to begin

Is it true

Or just lust

The feeling is there

But when I see you

I don’t feel butterflies

Or feel dizzy

I look into your eyes

And see nothing but honesty

But look into mine

And see nothing but confusion

Your words make my stomach churn

The sickly sweet scent of HER

Its suffocating, intoxicating

Just like you

It took me so long to fit in

Then it all changed

I’m not so good with coping

But I’m so good at lying

Cover the scars of yesterday

And fake a little smile

I’ll tell you the truth

When I believe it

Lies, lies, lies

My world spins

As the headache begins

Counting all my sins

Slip into the darkness

Fall into the hurt

Hold me close and never let me go

But watch me as I fall

Friends don’t forget me

Because the world is what you mean to me

I hope one day this will be a distant memory

Just another scar

Everything looks bleak

I’m drowning in my own confusion

Suffocating in the person I’ve become

Locked room broken glass

I dread the day

The day I see the real me

Looking back on my life

What a joke what a charade

But don’t worry my friend

This tale will end happy

One day not so long ago

Someone saw thru me

But instead of the torment

I usually get

They smiled

And said

Your not alone

No I’m not alone

Not anymore

I lock the door of my room

So I can let the tears fall

No one will see me like this

Not till the day that I die

The razor blade taunts me

I’m not going to

I’m not going to

I try so hard to block to out

I can’t

Can’t take the pressure

It killing me

Trying to be who I am not

I’ve become my worst enemy

The thing I most despise

Smash the mirror

Break the glass

Cut the skin

Let me hurt

I’ll be ok

In a little while

Tears fall silently

My heart breaks

I close my eyes

I try to block you out

The scars show

The hurt is obvious

But why ?!

That is what I cannot understand

Tears fall silently

My heart breaks

I close my eyes

I try to block you out

Silence is golden !?

Well its killing me

Sitting here looking at the wall

Ignored

Conversation flowing

Ignored

Is it because I am different

Or is because your all the same

Well I’m sorry

But I’m never going to change

Walking home

Evil glances

Hanging with my real friends

Evil glances

I don’t care

So why should you

I’m unique

Your all the same

I know what I’d rather be anyday

Why is everything I want so hard

I see so many people

There all so in love

Why is it so hard ?!

As I watch the world go by

You all live so carefree

I feel so trapped

Where does a misfit like me

Fit in this oh so perfect world