ωнαт тнє fяι¢к...

This will be my last time here

So I guess this is goodbye

Life has been so hard without you

I don’t know if I can take it

Is life worth living

If the one and only think that kept me here is gone

Send me a sign anything

To tell me I’ll be alright

I sit there waiting

Nothing

Well that’s just great

I open my bag

Not long now my friend

One more breath

Will be together again.

Sitting at your grave side

The tears still fall

Oh, how I wish to be with you

The grass has grown so high

Oh, how long it has been

I’m sorry for not being there

I was so angry that day

And I remember it so well

The image of you and that razor blade

Still sends me to tears

Your vacant eyes

The emotionless stare

The memory of you

Will never fade

The good

And the bad

Its time for me to say goodbye my friend

Rest in peace

Walking down the pews

Looking at them

Shedding tears

I’m so angry

You left me

To fight this world

Alone

Why couldn’t this be different

I wish that it was me

Laying in the coffin

Letting the world by

The memory burns through my mind

The blood

The tears

Your end

Shame, such a waste

Is all I hear them say

How dare they speak of you

They don’t even know you

They can’t even try

When my shift was over I joined Brendon and we drove to Ryan’s house. I was so happy I could literally scream. I was so happy I hadn’t seen the guys in years well two but it was still along time. As we were driving brendon put on the radio and we were both singing along to third eye blind ah good times.

When we finally got there I jumped out of the car and ran to the door. I then had to wait for brendon to open it. “RYAN !!! SPENCER !!! GUESS WHO’S BACK!” I shouted.

“dunno the devil again for Ryan’s soul” shouted Spencer.

“hey what did I tell you I’m not the devil but evil in its female form because “ I got cut off because Ryan had jumped on me.

“ahh I’m being flattened” I shouted.

“hey I’m not that fat” said Ryan and crossed his arms like a little child.

“awwie I’m sorry does ry forgive me ?!” I cooed.

He nodded and helped me get up. I ran into the kitchen and jumped on Spencer’s back causing us to fall on the floor.

“geez Ellie are you ever going to grow up !?” asked Brendon.

“why ask a question you already know the answer for ?!” I said.

“anyways I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to come tour with us since you don’t really have anything to stay for and I want my little cuz with me ?!” asked Brendon.

“erm…. Brendon I can’t just get up and leave everything I have responsibilities now” I answered.

“oh pweez ellie bellie” cooed Ryan

“erm…” I said

I was working in the coffee shop when I noticed this man sitting with oversized sunglasses staring at me. I ignored it of course but he still continued.

“what is there something on my face or do I have three heads ?” I asked pissed.

He began to laugh. “still got the same sense of humour eh !?” he said.

I looked at him puzzled well that was until he took the shades off. “brendon” I squealed and jumped on him.

“geez girl calm down” he said.

I pokes my tongue out and got down “well sorry but I haven’t seen you in forever” I said.

“yeah sorry about that but you know with the band and everything” he said.

“excuses excuses” I said and rolled my eyes.

“I m going to pretend I didn’t see that ! Anyways how’s my favourite cousin !?” he asked.

“she’s good thanks” I answered.

“how would you like to see the guys again !?” he asked.

“OMG yeah I haven’t seen Ryan and Spencer for ages !!” I said.

A locked door

A rusty razor

Floor stained blood red

Broken mirror

Note on the floor

Emotions in a tangle

The room begins to spin

Mummy’s little angel

Daddies little girl

Lying on the bathroom floor

This time its not for the attention

I remember the day

The day my life changed

But this time for the best.

You hold me close

Wipe away my tears

Whisper sweet nothings in my ear

Your voice is a song I will never tire of

Yours eyes are like open books

Your smile is so contagious

The smile hasn’t left my face

Since the day I met you

When I’m down and depressed

Your always there

When I hurt myself so others can’t

Your always there

When the tears fall

Your always there

When the day goes wrong

Your always there

When I need someone

Your always there

When suicide enters my mind

Your always there

Dark thoughts and misunderstandings

Look into my eyes and see honesty

I take you for granted

Now I can see

You have your own life

Problems and fears

Thank you is just not enough

But I can’t do this to you anymore

So goodbye my friend

Without me you’ll be fine

This is a little about me and a little not if u get me ?!

See these the scars of my past mistakes

I’m so ashamed

Of me, of my life

All I ever wanted

Was someone

To hold

To love

To be loved by

Why is it so hard to believe

All I ever wanted was to be accepted

Let my tears flow

Let the blood fall

I’m so sick of this

Why does everything hurt

They try

Try so hard

To help me

But I always disappoint them

I can’t help they way I feel

I can’t help the way I deal

I try

Try so hard

To make you happy

I’ve failed

Failed you

I promised

Promised you

I would try

You shake your head

And tell me everything is ok

Tell me lies Tell me I’m pretty

Tell me that I won’t die alone

Everything is suffocating me

I can’t

I can’t breathe

I need to leave

Just for a moment

I keep thinking

What if !?

If I was to follow my dreams

Would they become a reality !?

Or will they crash and burn !?

I want to live

I want to believe

But its so hard to see what you want

When its faded into the background

I’ve given up on what I wanted

Because no one cares to listen

staring down the barrel of a loaded gun

choosing life or death

If I was to choose life

Or if I was to choose death

Would you care !?

Would you even notice !?

My heart says pull the trigger

My head is telling me to carry on

The battle of my life

Which one will win !?

if looks could kill

my heart would of just stopped

i didn't mean for things

to end like this

you may think i set out to hurt you

you couldn't be further from the truth

i wrote these words a millon times

but i guess words never work

so slit my wrists

and lay me to rest in a memory

you shout i scream

were getting no where

i try to gain some respect from saying sorry

but then i relise i left it all under my sheets

i wrote these words a millon times

but i guess words never work

so slit my wrists

and lay me to rest in a insignificant memory

i know you hate me

but i will love you till the end

i hope in time the wound i caused will heal

The darkness is taking over me

Leaving a empty shell

Since you left

My life is a living hell

I can't take this feeling

I can't fill this void

There's no point me living

So I grab the razor blade from the desk

And hold it close to my wrist

no one cares

No one will even notice

If this is the last words

To escape my lips

I will feel no more pain

No more heartbreak or hurt

I take the razor blade

Hold it close to my wrist

Allow it to do its work.

The pain slowly leaves me

As the last drop falls

Let my tears fall

How do you handle this hurt !?

Let the blood flow

How do you handle this pain !?

When I slowly fade away

Will I be missed !?

When I take down this charade

Will you still be my friend !?

When you see the marks on my arm

Will you say anything !?

When everything is lost

And its all gone to hell

Will you still hold my hand !?

You said forever

Do you mean it !?

Don’t cry for me

When my time is done

I’m not worth those tears

I’m just not worth it

If you've not guessed already the lyrics are well based on me

toodles

~jafa~

Ok thats it for now i'll proberly write again 2day

what do ya think !?

toodles

~jafa~

Hey peeps

Just a lil journal - d/w I will continue my fanfic soon after this …..

Neways if you guys might remember that I was in a bad mood on but thanks to well mainly Sophie, neways I just wanna say thanks and kudos to you hun !!

Also I wrote a lil something about a week ago when well I was feeling a lil emo I’ll say. And I no u lot wanna see it so here it is !! …..

I try to escape

From the thoughts in my head

My making and my end

I have no reason to cry

I don’t deserve emotions

I am nothing but a worthless machine

Toodles

~java~

He dragged me back to the tour busses. Everyone was looking at me. I know no one has seen me cry before but gawd it was like I had three heads.

When I got back to our bus Sophie was packing.

“what you doing !?” I asked.

“look I’m soo sorry but Gerard is in hospital and I’ve got to go” she said wiping away tears.

“what why !!??” I said dumbfounded.

“because I can’t just leave him !” she said.

“erm ok well I’ll see ya soon then” I said and walked into my room.

Life, is mine for the taking

Death, I’m so close yet so far

Love, is for losers.

You, broke what is left of my heart

Oh, how I adore the deadly friction of my razor blade

The only thing I can control

Unseen beauty is for the lucky ones I am but a misfit

I hide behind a shadow, praying to never be seen

Happy, to the world I may seem.

Sad, I can never be.

Hurt, look behind these eyes you’ll see.

Haunted, my heart battered and chained.

Oh, how I adore the deadly friction of my razor blade

The only thing I can control

Unseen beauty is for the lucky ones I am but a misfit

If I could I would destroy the one thing I hate ….. Me

Ok people these aren't very good but i will get better i promise >.<

your kisses are worse than a bullet from a gun

kiss kiss bang bang

your lips forever haunt my mind

kiss kiss bang bang

you forever have my heart

kiss kiss bang bang

drowning in the pool of my blood

death take me take me now

three words can make or break you

three lil words three lil goddamn words

you are the friction on my razor blade

kiss kiss bang bang

the bullet in my gun

kiss kiss bang bang

I have paper cuts from you love notes

kiss kiss bang bang

suicide notes

broken hearts

faded love letters

the burning of your soul

suga u cant pretend

everything is ok

coz ur not fooling anyone

by doing thinks your own way

so take down this charade

and let your emotions flow

let them in let them to help

suga u cant pretend

everything is ok

coz ur not fooling anyone

by doing thinks your own way

he’s long gone

believe me when I say he’s never coming back

you need to find love

real love to heal those wounds

suga u cant pretend

everything is ok

coz ur not fooling anyone

by doing thinks your own way

hope ya like

toodles

hannah x

smiles n lies never did get you anywhere

I wished you were mine

now I wish I wasn’t so stupid

I lay in these arms I wished so many times to be mine

I love you, you love me

what more could I want

but I’m more decisive than ever

and tell me this who really does believe in forever?

I miss you n the way things were

I’m selfish I know

I got what I wanted n now I don't want it

love is for life not just for Christmas

I love you, you love me

what more could I want

but I’m more decisive than ever

and tell me this who really does believe in forever?

Oh, I never know

just what these words were meant to say

oh I never knew

they'd come back to haunt me some day

ok what do ya think i know there not brilliant

toodles

hannah x

x-x My p.o.v x-x

I grabbed my coat and wandered towards the door.

“you going now !?” she asks.

“yeah might as well” I answer.

“oh ok just be careful ok !?” she said.

“will do” I said.

I walk to Ryan’s house regretting every step am I really ready to see him again !? I think to myself.

My phone started ringing after the first 5 rings I answered.

Me = hello

Allie = hey

Me = what’s up !?

Allie = you know the dream you had well after talking to Patrick

Me = ……

Allie = I think you should come over.

Me = oh ok I’ll be there in about 10 mins ok

Allie = ok cya then

Me = bye

I put my phone back into my pocket and walked in the direction of Patrick’s house

“hey Allie so what’s up” I ask while walking into the kitchen.

“well I was talking to Patrick and I think you should see this” she said.

We walked into the basement where Patrick was sitting looking through a very old book.

“Patrick tell her what you told me” Allie said.

“Seisha what was the name of your mother !?” Patrick asked.

“My mother her name was Eliza, Eliza Andreille why !?” I answered.

I gasped and nodded.

“but my mum is dead” I said

“your half right” said Patrick.

“so she’s a vampire !?” I asked amazed.

“explain please “ asked Allie.

“well you see Seisha here is the mortal daughter of Eliza Andreille who was married to a certain William Beckett and when she gave birth to you, instead of being a vampire you turned out mortal and your mother knew that you would be instantly killed so she snuck out and left you with a friend and her friend brought you up as her own” Patrick said.

“so what does this mean !?” I asked.

“well it means that you’re the successor of the dandies and you can end this madness” Patrick answered.

“but how !?” I asked.

“well you need to become a vampire first then you will have to become queen but before that you have to find your king” Patrick answered.

“king ! how the hell am I supposed to find a king!?” I asked.

“well the rightful king will have a tattoo on his lower back” Patrick answered.

“And that is !?” I ask.

“the same as yours the words fallen angel” Patrick answered.

“but I had that done when I was 18 and that was because of my dream” I said.

“and who had it done with you !?” he asked.

“Ryan, its Ryan he is to be king” I answered.

“yes” Patrick said.

“how am I going to explain this to him !?” I ask.

“he already knows” answered a voice.

“Ryan, why couldn’t you just tell me all of this I would of understood why, did you have to end it !?” I asked.

“because Seisha I didn’t want to hurt you I didn’t want you to become like me” he answered.

I turned round and walked over to him. We just stood there looking at each other unsure of what to say.

“Ryan do you know what you have to do !?” Patrick asked.

“yes I do but do I really have to !?” he asked.

“it’s the only way” Patrick answered.

“ok” he said.

He looked at me and said “I’m sorry”.

Before I could answer he sunk he’s fangs into me. That’s when everything went black.

I woke up very uncomfortable . I turned my head and noticed that Ryan was laying next to me. I shook him awake.

“Ryan what happened!?” I asked.

“I’m so sorry Seisha it was the only way” he answered.

“what do you mean the only way !?” I asked.

“ I had to turn you so we could end this madness” he answered.

“oh ok” I said.

I got up and out of the bedroom I need to go home and explain this to Olivia I need to tell her that I might never see her again.

I walked into the kitchen to see Olivia making pancakes.

“oooh pancakes nice” I said.

“how said you were getting any !?” she said.

I poked my tongue out at her.

“Olivia I need to tell you something” I said.

She sat down I and I proceeded to tell her about Ryan and my mother and the fact I’m now a vampire.

“so… I might not see you again !?” she asked while wiping tears away.

I nod.

“well as this is your last night here lets have some fun eh !?” she said.

“yeah lets” I said.

“ok here’s some money go over to the shops and get some snacks, I’ll get the film ready and order a take-away” she said.

“ok” I say and take the money out of her hand.

I walk out of the house and towards the shops. Someone grabs me from behind and knocks me out.

x-x Olivia’s p.o.v x-x

I can’t believe it I just can’t she’s actually leaving me alone. I set up the film and put the quilts in the living room while I’m waiting for Seisha and the food.

I glace up at the clock. Its been an hour now it don’t take that long. I ring her phone, no answer. So I grab my coat and walk over to the shops. I look down each isle, nothing.

I leave the shop and walk home. As I’m walking I see a phone but not just any old phone its Seisha’s ok now I’m officially worried.

I pick up her phone and dial Ryan’s number. After 3 rings he picks up.

Me = Ryan I think something’s wrong.

Ryan = what do you mean !?

Me = I think someone has taken Seisha.

Ryan = what!? How!?

Me = well I sent her to get some food and she never came back so I went out to look for her and I found her phone, ry I’m scared what if he has her!?

Ryan = but how could he to him she’s dead.

Me = well can you go over to Patrick’s and ask him please

Ryan = yeah ok bye

Me = bye.

x-x Ryan’s p.o.v x-x

I got off the phone to Olivia and went to walk out of my house when I noticed a note.

I knew it he had her and I was the only one that could save her now.

x-x my p.o.v x-x

I woke up tied to a bed.

“ahh your awake” a voice said.

I kept silent.

“so your Seisha you’re William’s daughter wow I thought you would be older” the voice continued.

I glared at him.

“I’m brendon by the way and William will be here shortly” said Brendon.

He extend his hand but I just turned my head and looked away.

A tall man walked into the room and looked at me with pure astonishment.

“your alive !?” he said

I still kept silent.

“excellent” he said.

“why is that” I ask.

“because my dear you will be able to return what is rightfully mine” he answered.

“what do you mean” I ask.

“well my dear your mother stole a very valuable necklace and with it I can rule this world and bring it to its knees” he answered.

“but I don’t know where it is” I said.

“but my dear you do your mother left it with you” he said.

I thought back and looked down of course the necklace that my “mother” made me wear.

“you cannot stop this” William said.

“stop what !?” I ask.

“your destiny” he answers.

“what to become like you !? I‘d rather die” I shout.

“shut up and tell me where it is !?” he shouted.

“never” I said

“your stupid pride will be the end of you” he snarls.

He mutters some words under his breath.

“guards bring me bring me Ryan Ross” he commands.

“nooo!” I shout.

I break free from the ropes and attack him. He looks surprised then he smirks.

“to late my pretty” he said.

They bring in a tired fear stricken Ryan into the room. I run to him and hold him tight in a warm embrace.

“now will you tell me or does he have to die !?” William shouts.

I breath in and remember the only thing that will help us.

x-x Ryan’s p.o.v x-x

Alecto, di ronuzena khuntrai..."

She began chanting under her breath her eyes lost all of the fear and anger as she went into a dream like state. Her body began to rise.

What the hell is she doing ! I thought.

Adonis, aella au balthasar. Bedevere, kuntirous!

She continued.

The colour drained from William’s face. “Stop her !!” he shouted to all the guards.

She smirked.

She setting a curse but that means.

“Seisha no there must be another way” I shout.

Then I hear her voice in my head I’m sorry my love I must do this I must stop William this will be the end.

She floated back down with a smile playing on her lips. She bared her fangs and sliced her wrists. The curse has been set.

Her blood stained the marble floor, as she fell to the ground her whole body went limp. I ran to her side. Holding her till morning.

I woke.

Seisha Andreille had died.

But not in vain.

The madness had finally ended.

RCB !!

hope you like n if i get bored i may write another one

toodles n cya in 2 weeks unless i borrow ma cuz computa agen

hannah x

what do you do when everything is changing

and all you want to do is stay the same

life not the same

friends are growing up

i wish i could be me

but everything is suffucating me

you don't understand

you'll never see

i'm too good at this charade

and its slowly killing me

you said forever you n me

you said you'll never leave

well that all changed

when i found you bleedin on the bathroom floor

stuck in the past with no way out

i wish i could be me

but everything is suffucating me

you don't understand

you'll never see

i'm too good at this charade

and its slowly killing me

i sit at you grave nights on end

crying a thousand tears